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Matchmaking Madness Pt. 4 – Matrimony Apps

Can you believe the younger generation uses dating apps to find love? Where have we gone wrong?!

These kids are so harsh and full of judgement. They “swipe left” for such superficial reasons. If they can just get over this shallow thinking, they will find true happiness in the world of matrimony apps, where people say “seeking slim and fair applicants only. Others please excuse.” A land where we don’t make snap decisions – except if you are a boy who is a day younger than his potential wife. 

These dating apps are so cold and calculated. They take all the fun and romance out of meeting someone new. Why don’t these kids get a matrimony app and enjoy having real emotions? Why won’t they join a community of people who conclude a three-line bio with “text ONLY between 8-9 pm and call ONLY if your GMAT score is 780+”? 

These kids on dating apps, they have no shame. They just say the first thing that comes to their mind. To a stranger! Here on matrimony apps, we don’t encourage that kind of behaviour. We ask people their salaries and exact visa status, like well-mannered people. 

Worst of all, these kids have no idea that dating apps are creep central. We feel very strongly about this way of thinking; that’s why we only have a “preferred age” column where many men in their late thirties have ticked 18.

In conclusion: Delete your dating apps and create a matrimony profile. Your days will be infinitely more exciting. If you need more convincing, here’s a visual representation of things heating up in the arranged marriage world:

Now, how ’bout we give these kids some privacy?


2 thoughts on “Matchmaking Madness Pt. 4 – Matrimony Apps

  1. Marry me!
    I am funny (or so I think), an engineer from Bangalore who never scored a job as an Engineer (gasp) and your dad will never call me ‘useless fellow’ because well… I am not a fellow! I hope we are overlook that. It’d be great if uppittu kesaribath can be arranged for our first meet though, it’s non negotiable.

    Like

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