What else are you supposed to do in the middle of the apocalypse but reminisce over some of the most random details from your past, amirite? Right smack in the middle of an important assignment, I was hit by a sudden wave of nostalgia from the time I lived in the US – four years ago. But don’t worry, this isn’t a cheesy post. My nostalgia was immediately followed by a series of thoughts that refused to remain suppressed any longer. And since I didn’t know what to do with them, I decided to put them out into cyberspace. After all, if there’s one thing that’s missing on the internet, it’s half-formed thoughts that were better off in the recycle bin.
I don’t know what vindaloo is
I heard the word “vindaloo” for the first time in American TV shows. It was a weird enough term on its own, and it only got weirder when they said it’s an Indian dish. While I’m the first to agree that I’m not always clued into things, it’s ridiculous that I never heard the word in my life. Maybe “vindaloo” is an Americanised pronunciation and the Indian pronunciation is “shut up and eat it, no questions.” I guess I’ll never know. Even if Google is free.
I kind of…enjoyed the undeserved limelight
Look, I will always publicly complain that foreigners make a big deal when Indians can do basic things. The reality, however, is that I sometimes need to feel like I’m a rockstar for knowing how to speak English or write in cursive or for piercing my ears as a baby. On days when the laundry hasn’t been done and the bills have piled up and I’ve eaten no vegetables for three days straight, it’s nice to feel special for decisions my parents took for me before I could walk.
Americans don’t appreciate the finer aspects of their rich culture
When I first moved to Boston, I realized that my apartment had a little buzzer that made the incredibly disruptive sound. You know, like in Friends! It was surreal to experience something I’ve only seen on TV. It felt like I was meeting a celebrity in real life.
And then I shared my thoughts with Americans who said they’ve never really watched Friends. Or that they don’t care for it. I say this to you guys with nothing but the purest of intentions for your personal growth – don’t be a bunch of Gunthers. I have to admit this, though – in a world that’s getting more woke, some of the show’s dialogues will make you want to curl under the blankets and go back to sleep. Still, it’s impossible that you haven’t watched it. Kind of like me with the vindaloo thing, I guess.
Olive Garden is the finest of establishments
Until I dove deep into social media culture and discovered a little-known concept called memes, I was under the impression that everyone loved Olive Garden. And then Twitter told me my preferences are “basic.”
Now, I have many problems with this idea of hating the basic. What’s wrong with vanilla ice cream? And flannel shirts? And warm Instagram filters designed to make others think your life is prettier than theirs? I stand with basic and I always will.
Even more seriously, who decided that they were too good for unlimited free salad and breadsticks? All you need is to make a reasonable investment of $7 and the nice waiters in the black uniforms will bring you all the parmesan and bread you need. What about this scenario is beneath you, Your Highness? I pay the good folks at Olive Garden a visit whenever I happen to be in America, and I declare this with pride.
Parting note: If there’s something in the news that will change my opinion on any of the things I talked about, I will remain in the dark and I will enjoy it.