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Gilmore Girls – Unpopular Opinion #5: Mini Rants

So far, you’ve dealt with just one terrible opinion at a time. You thought things were easy. What a shock for you. I have now decided it’s time to pelt you with take after take. Mostly because I take pleasure in your pain but also because these are way too short to have their own individual posts. It’s like using an entire sheet of paper just to write “Hello.” I may be many things but wasteful is not one of them.

So here goes. Are you ready?

# TJ is awesome. Taylor is awesome: I will not explain myself.  I will not take back my statements. 

# Gilmore Girls is a curated Instagram feed: Everyone here is cute, the snow does not ever turn slushy and grey, newly married teenagers have lovely apartments, every building is draped in fairy lights, everyone drinks coffee and eats a sweet dish, the inn keeps piles and piles of food on display in the kitchen and there are no flies or the lingering fear that the dessert will start smelling of garlic. Is this not a collection of stock photos you’d find if you typed in “cozy New England”?  

# Pop Tarts are overrated: I am not above eating processed American food, okay? I’m just saying that of all the horrifying things you can eat for breakfast everyday, Pop Tarts are not your best option. You could eat Trix with full-fat milk. You could eat the marshmallows from the Lucky Charms cereal box. You could eat plain sugar. Any of these are better breakfast options than Pop Tarts, which taste like cardboard with frosting. 

# Lane is not as great a liar as she could have been: Lane, your band could have easily played at CBGB without getting you kicked out of your house. You have spent your whole childhood hiding things under floorboards and still couldn’t come up with a decent enough lie to get out of the house for one night? You could have said that Rory was visiting Stars Hollow tonight and you wanted to crash at her place. You did it in season one when you ran your hands through Rick’s hair. I have receipts.  

You coloured your hair purple in your own home. You did the equivalent of an Olympic obstacle course to go on a date with Dave (200% worth it). You could have easily come up with this lie. But I will cut you some slack because what’s the point of trying when there’s no Dave? 

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I told you, I have a PhD in Gilmore Girls commentary

 

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