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An Exclusive Interview

I’ve built my life on two simple guidelines. Actually they don’t really guide me – I’ll just call them lines.

(a) Suburban life helps us slow down, take in the fresh air and be nice to each other.

(b) Likes and comments are new-age concepts set to destroy us.

But suddenly, things changed. I realized I was in love with the smells only cities can give you – a combination of exhaust fumes, pee-pee, and grease from the cart selling stuff I don’t want to think about. I also checked my WordPress recently and I had 28 comments! It made my day. I decided to address those comments individually, kind of like the interview no one has asked me for – seriously, how many hints do I have to drop?

Anyway, are you ready? Let’s go:

Mom: So what about that spider situation you last wrote about?

I don’t like killing insects. But after the spider left, a cockroach took its place and I decided I had no choice. It was not easy – it took enough roach spray to incapacitate a human. You shouldn’t worry though, it did nothing to me. If the angry science articles are anything to go by, I’ve eaten enough junk food to have a fully functional chemistry lab in my system. A little spray will do no more harm.

After that first night of hysterically chasing after the cockroach, I became better at dealing with bugs. But it made me so paranoid that everything looked like a predatory insect. Over the next few days, I killed M&Ms I’d accidentally dropped, clumped pieces of thread that fell off my clothes, and the back of my earring.

Yes mom, I’ll clean the house more often.

Xxxvideosxxx: It’ѕ really a cool and useful piece of information. I am glad that you simply shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us up to date likе this. Thanks for sharing.

Thank YOU! I just want to help in any way I can, xxxvideosxxx. In that spirit, I’d like to give you some advice. It’s really hard to find your site with an obscure address like that. More than one “x” becomes a little confusing and I’m worried your content won’t reach enough people. Think about it, okay?

200K FOLLOWERS IN 2 MINUTES CLICK THIS LINK: Yes – now you can Watch Movies Online anytime you want, anywhere you want – and it’s absolutely free. Men, ladies and children possess a range of choices with regards to Disney products for example clothes, apparels, bags, shoes, stuffed toys, and accessories.

Wait. I can watch movies online? For free? Why I must find my quill and write mother!

JoB iN hEAlThcaRE: Someone in my Myspace group shared this website with us so I came to look it over. I’m definitely loving the information!!!

Nothing makes me happier than people who share my website. I hope I’m not taking too much liberty asking you this…I mean, I probably shouldn’t. Never mind, it’s nothing.

Actually I think I’ll just say it. It would mean the world to me if you also wrote me a testimonial on Orkut. I’ll write you one too, I promise!

That concludes our interview for today. The rest of the comments were from xxxvideosxxx telling me about attractive singles in my area – I think I’m really making an impact on this person. However, I don’t really need those attractive singles anymore. I realized they were only filling a void. FiNNANcE.com just told me I won $1000000 in a lottery. I’ve sent over my bank account information and the amount should be credited today. Dinner, anyone?

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13 thoughts on “An Exclusive Interview

  1. I have a blog-crush on this post. You’re hilarious!

    As a cockroach-killing tip: Good old fashioned window cleaner (like Windex) will do the job. It takes a few sprays, and they’ll stumble around drunk for a bit, but they do eventually die. I used to be a makeshift exterminator in my own apartment when I lived in the deep South.

    Liked by 1 person

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